


I wish I was him

by StealingTheSun (SunMars)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, One Sided Love, Romance, Wedding, idk what else to put here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunMars/pseuds/StealingTheSun
Summary: I wonder how the words I love you would sound coming from you, how would your lips feel against mine, how would it be to hold hands with you, how it would be to wake up next to you everyday, how it would be to hug you everynight and call you mine. I wish I was him.





	I wish I was him

 

Everyone stands up and a piano melody fills the space, I see you coming in through the doors and I can’t help but smile right away. You look beautiful, stunningly beautiful. My heart pounds faster and harder with every step you take and I forget how to breathe when our eyes meet. You smiles at me, mouthing a greeting and then your gaze shift again.

My mind plays with me, making me think for a moment that you’re were walking towards me, that your smile is because of me and that loving look on your face is directed at me. But not.

You’re walking towards someone else, your smile is because someone else, and all of your love, the one I always wanted, is not for me.

You’re getting married, but I’m not the one you’re marrying with.

Right now, is your wedding, and although I’m standing in the aisle, I’m not the groom but your best man. You always wanted this; I always wanted this as well. But we imagined it pretty different.

I remember when you called, not a long time ago, you sounded nervous and you could barely talk properly. I asked if there was something wrong and you said it wasn’t, instead you said; “Yukhei and I are getting married.”

I couldn’t react; I was shook, frozen by hearing those words. My chest hurt like I was being stabbed and it took all of myself to not cry on the phone while you were waiting for an answer.

I knew you were falling for him, I knew you were taking things seriously, but kept denying what was obvious. In my mind there was still a chance for me, I just needed to prove myself. He just had to do something wrong and I would be the one to support and cheer you like always. But he never did something wrong. He was always perfect for you.

I felt heartbroken that night but I managed to stay calm and congratulate you, wishing you happiness. It’s okay, you didn’t know, it’s not your fault but only mine. I congratulated you feeling my own heart breaking apart, the sharp pieces hurting myself from inside, I hold my tears and smiled for you even when you couldn’t see me. That night I tried to convince myself that I was happy for you.

Now I’m by your side, watching as you tell him you love him, as you promise to say by his side forever. I can see how your eyes shine brightly full of happiness and how that smile of yours, the one I love so much, grows bigger and bigger when is his time to tell you his vows.

My heart breaks once again just by seeing you exchanging rings. I wish I was him.

I should be happy just for being here, for being present in such an important moment for you. I wish I could say that I’m happy just for seeing you happy, but I can’t. I’m selfish and I truly wish I was him.

As the priest tells the last words and commands you to kiss, everyone stands and claps. I do the same, although internally I’m screaming and crying, silently asking why. _Why not me?_

I wonder how the words I love you would sound coming from you, how would your lips feel against mine, how would it be to hold hands with you, how it would be to wake up next to you everyday, how it would be to hug you everynight and call you mine. I wish I was him.

I’m sorry for leaving early and not attending the party, I couldn’t stay. I can’t lie to your face anymore, I can’t say you look good with him and wish you to be happy with him. I can’t.

You looked beautiful, you looked happy, you looked enamoured. Oh, I wish I was him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk what's this ._.  
> i'm sorry


End file.
